Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I skipped work to stalk him.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
