I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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