Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize