You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
