TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize