Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
