i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
