I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
