The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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