I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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