It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
