Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
one two three fourrrrnication!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
