Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
try to milk me bitch
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
