You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it hurts more in the daytime
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize