no, he came in my armpit
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
