So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
