That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
