I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
