Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
