I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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