I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
please come you make the beer taste better
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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