Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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