God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
