you would pick up someone in the library
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
