Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
