The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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