Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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