He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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