He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I need a burrito and a hug.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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