You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
