Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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