My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
