Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
