The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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