I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
