still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
