i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
