My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I wear drunk well.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize