i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
