i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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