So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
