This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
