I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
