Can i not drive my cunt home
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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