Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
