so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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