just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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