I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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