I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My ATM looks so different sober.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize