so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
