i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Randomize
