I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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