You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
