Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Someone shit on the floor
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
