3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You don't make any sense
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