he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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