I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
