I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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