So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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