Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You did what with his pubic hair?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
