my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
