His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
