He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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