Where did you get a picture of my penis
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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